| Pissing people off since 2002 | ![]() |
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It's Official! Ben and Jenny Merger Announced Written by Thaddeus McClean III During a taped interview with Diane Sawyer this week, singer-actress Jennifer Lopez and actor-writer Ben Affleck announced that they are indeed engaged as had been speculated in the media rumor mills over the last few weeks.
However, in an exclusive talk with The Fake News, Ben Affleck's first cousin, Adrian Affleck, reveals there is more behind the marriage then just pure love. "Both Jenn and Ben have a had a rough couple of years," says cousin Adrian, "and when they were working together on a film project they started talking about how they were both reaching their 30's and wanted to have children and pass on their family legacies." According to Adrian, the women in the Affleck family are known to possess posterior shapes much like that of Miss Lopez. Prided on the shape of the women in the family, Affleck men are known to find suitable mates to carry on this trait. Tested by doctors at UCLA in October, Ben was confirmed to be carrying the "booty gene" and promptly notified Jennifer of the good news. While neither Ben or J. Lo's management teams will confirm the DNA miracle match, Affleck's Porsche 911 has been seen sporting a "Bootylicious" sticker on the rear bumper. When asked if getting married to such a big celebrity would cause his ego to inflate further, he replied, "No, I'm still I'm still Benny from the block." |