Firefighters and paramedics in Los Olivos, California were summoned to the Neverland Valley Ranch, home of pop music icon Michael Jackson, on Tuesday by a frantic phone call from Mr. Jackson's personal assistant, Randy Anne Coldwell. "The children are fine, but Michael needs help," Coldwell is quoted as saying to the 911 operator. "It was so sudden... a sinkhole... we should have seen this coming!"

Back When Jacko was black

Fortunately, rescue workers were relieved to find that none of Mr. Jackson's children were in proximity to their father at the time of the collapse. Mr. Jackson was taking a shower in his master bathroom suite when his face suddenly sunk inwards approximately 1 to 3 inches.

"We're assuming that the facial structure was weakened by years of plastic surgery and that the heat and pressure of the shower water was more than it could take, " said Los Olivos Fire Chief Dan Almos, "we tried to use a hook and some line to try and raise the main portion of the face so Mr. Jackson could possibly see a bit and maybe breath through his nose, but the hook just got sucked in deeper by the forces of collapse."

Mr. Jackson was flown to Sinai-Cedars Medical Center in Los Angeles where he listed in critical but stable condition.