Mitt Romney’s New Book Cover Leaked
Newt Gingrich Threatens to Leave Race Unless America Agrees to Open Presidency
Gingrich's next book cover
After Rush Limbaugh calls America “sick,” Newt Gingrich begins looking for other presidencies.
South Carolina -
A presidential primary becoming known for its galvanic swings of support behind each candidate took another turn today, as news broke that Newt Gingrich, now considered a possible genuine threat to a Mitt Romney nomination, is quietly looking into running for the presidency of other countries.
The reports followed a diatribe by popular radio host Rush Limbaugh, who said, “This country is sick. President Obama, if that is his real name, has been systematically destroying this country. I wouldn’t be surprised if it has a few years left to live, if that.”
While this news may surprise some, those who have been following the news about Mr. Gingrich’s private life have been expecting it.
In 1981 Mr. Gingrich divorced his first wife after she was diagnosed with cancer. In 2000, he divorced his second wife, who had recently been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.
“After hearing Limbaugh’s comments, Newt began asking other countries if they were interested in him being their president,” said a Gingrich campaign official, speaking anonymously. “He’s been running Mexico on a trial basis, but he wants to wait for a commitment from them before dropping out of the US race.” Read the rest of this entry →
Letters from the Editor – Occupy Wall Street
by Dick Cashman, WTFN Owner
I’ve heard about these Occupy Wall Street protesters mulling around the streets of New York. I say I’ve heard because I have not personally seen them since I commute via helicopter.
Supposedly they are upset because they can’t find a job. I guess they’re not looking very hard. I find it hard to have sympathy for these unemployed people when I’ve always found it easy to find a job.
What’s my secret, you ask? I just ask my father. It’s very simple. In fact, you only need six words to get a job.
“Dad, can I have a job?”
If you add a seventh word, “please,” he will even let you pick what type of job you want to do. One time I forgot to say “please,” and he made me owner of the Cleveland Indians.
Man, what a lousy job. Read the rest of this entry →
Taking a break
Don’t worry, The Fake News is not going away permanently. I just don’t have the time right now to both update the site regularly as well as work on our first web series. You will likely still see site updates, but more infrequently than the last year or so. Thanks for your support, and I hope to be back updating more regularly in a few months.
- Jimmy
Tweets From the Street – Hurricane Irene
Many news outlets have some sort of Person on the Street section in which common people are asked to share their opinion about current events. In keeping with the current move towards journalistic laziness, The Fake News introduces a new segment that eliminates the need to leave the office. Every week we will ask a cross-section of society to tweet their opinion. Last week, we asked for their thoughts on Hurricane Irene.
Letters From the Editor – Christine O’Donnell Ending Interview with Piers Morgan
An Open Letter to Christine O’Donnell – by Jimmy Wellington
Wow, look how far you’ve come. Just a few short days ago the dumbest thing you had ever done was appear in an official campaign advertisement in which the first four words you said were, “I’m not a witch.”
I don't know why I'm here either.
Now, this.
Let’s see if I can explain how the media works to you. Remember what your friend Sarah Palin told you about how you will get all the questions ahead of time and how the person will only ask what you want to talk about? That’s only on Fox News. Well, most of the other networks and hosts will let you get away with it too.
See what Piers Morgan did to you? That’s called journalism. See, the job of a reporter is to ask the questions that are the most important, not to only ask what doesn’t make you look like a backwoods ignorant bigot.
Don’t worry though. You’ve put yourself in such good company as Billy Bob Thornton, who also got upset when a reporter didn’t want to talk about bullshit. Just look how well his career is going now!
Actually, that reminds me. Why am I wasting valuable ink writing to you in the first place? I’m going to go do something more productive, like buy stock in Borders.